So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
