Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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