i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i love accidental penises.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
