Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize