it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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