i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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