I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
