I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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