I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize