in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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