elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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