We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
