he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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