He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
