You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
