Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
