I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize