why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
