Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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