would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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