so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
