If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's shark week go big or go home
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
