Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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