I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
