my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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