Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
