Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
