You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
