Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
