WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
