They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
