I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
