I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
