the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
