i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
