tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
