so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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