My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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