2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
