New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
