How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
3 2 1 whiskey
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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