You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
