May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize