If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
