home. puking in laundry basket.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
