I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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