so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You smell like stripper and shame
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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