I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
