dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize