Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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