I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
