Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You are a genius and a whore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize