Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize