with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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