this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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