This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
