I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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