why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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