my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
