I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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