I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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