I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
