Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
