Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
