woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
