Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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