You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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