yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
