we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
