Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
